Dealing With Tantrums

1. Make sure that you stay calm and regulated You need to have a firm grip of your own emotions to make sure you don’t get into a screaming cycle. Take a step away if you need to, acknowledge what you’re feeling, and take a deep breath. You need to stay calm to help your child calm down. 

2. Make an emotional connection with your child. Show that you’re trying to engage on your child’s level. Get low so you can make eye contact, and speak slowly and quietly. You might not be able to give them a hug as they might be having a very physical reaction to their emotional distress. Give them space, but set boundaries and redirect physical aggression. Say something like: ‘I can see that you’re so angry you want to hit something, but I am not for hitting. If you need to, you can kick that cushion over there.’ 

3. Empathise with the child and help them to feel loved and understood If you know what’s triggered the tantrum, slowly talk through what you’ve understood has happened and explain that you see why they’re angry. Give them the words that they don’t have in that moment to express how they’re feeling. 

4. Once they’ve calmed down, talk through what happened. After all that emotion, they may not actually remember what’s happened. Tell the story starting with what you saw, then leave space for your child to contribute their experience or to correct your guesses about what they’re feeling. 

5. Talk about behavior and consequences. Only do this once the tantrum is over and your child is calm.