The Power of Positive Reinforcement or Mol an Óige agus Tiochfaidh Sí!

Positive reinforcement is a discipline strategy that helps children learn socially appropriate behaviour. Children of all ages seek approval from their caregivers and your child is more likely to repeat good behaviour when you reinforce it with praise or positive attention. Providing positive attention also decreases the likelihood that your child will misbehave to get attention. Whether your child  is being gentle while petting the dog or working hard to build a tower with blocks, reinforce these positive behaviours.

At the beginning of this way of connecting with your child this way of interacting may seem exaggerated and strange or artificial to you but you will soon see the powerful way that it will encourage positive behaviour and a happier child.

How to begin to use  Positive Reinforcement

• Catch your child being good. If they sit quietly playing while you cook dinner or if you are out in a public area  –  don’t just say a silent ‘thank you’ in your head for the peace and quiet. Tell them how proud you are of them for their cooperation and give them some extra cuddles.
• Give your child the opportunity to do something that warrants praise. For instance, after lunch, ask her to help you clear the dishes by bringing their  bowl (or cup or spoon…) over to the kitchen counter. Then give them a big smile and a kiss for doing such a great job.
• Praise their good behaviour immediately as soon as you see it. Get down on your child’s level, look him in the eye and say e.g. “that was great the way you put your truck in the toy box when you were finished with it.” Avoid generic praises, such as “Good boy.” Instead, label exactly which behaviour you are praising.

• Focus on catching your child being a ‘Great Brother’ and lavishly praise him whenever he treats his sibling nicely.  Hopefully, eventually they will enjoy being a ‘Great Big Brother/Sister’.

• Smile while you’re praising your child and use a positive tone of voice to reinforce your message. Praise your young child many times throughout the day to show them which behaviours you appreciate.

• Try to find an opportunity to tell another adult (Dad, Mam, Granny, Grandad, childminder, teacher etc.) how proud you are of your child’s behaviour while your child is listening.

• Young children thrive when you reinforce their good behaviour with positive body language. A hug, cuddle or high-five gives positive reinforcement for a job well-done.

Examples of behaviour specific praise

When you give your child verbal praise, make sure they know exactly what they are receiving the praise for. Get in the habit of telling your child exactly what they did well, and then enjoy seeing more of that behaviour in the future. Use positive language:

• I like how you got into the car the first time I asked.
• Thank you for putting your dish in the sink.
• I am so happy you put on your coat.
• It is lovely to have you sit and eat your food here at the table with Mammy and Daddy.
• Instead of saying ‘Good boy/girl’ be specific and say ‘That was great the way you  shared your  toys’ or ‘I like the way you helped the baby’ or ‘Thank you for listening well’. Adding that one little phrase can make a HUGE difference!

Ways to make your praise most effective

• Try to connect with your child at least once every day by being 100% present with them alone for a couple of minutes: Get down to their eye level and let them decide what to do and ignore all distractions for those few minutes. They will love being the center of your attention. Maybe most importantly, they will see how much you enjoy them, which is the foundation of their feeling of self-worth.
• Deliver praise when you are near your child: When you are close to your child, you can be sure that the behaviour you are praising is taking place. Also, when you are nearby your child is more likely to pay attention to what you are saying. Be close. Go up to your child when you talk and make eye contact.
• Use a sincere, enthusiastic tone of voice; You don’t need to be loud, but make sure that you sound thrilled about what your child is doing.
• Avoid situations, when possible, that lead to negative behaviour.  If a child hits because they are bored and it is fun to see a younger sibling cry, make sure that they are kept busy doing things that are more fun than this. Supervise the children well around each other, to catch problems before they escalate
• Use nonverbal reinforcement: Show your child you are pleased by smiling, winking, or touching. Hug your child, high five him, or pat them on the back.
• Remember to be specific. When praising your child, say exactly what behaviour you approve of: ’Thank you so much for picking up your shoes and putting them in the press’. Use positive language.

Ideas for fun activities that you can do together that create a positive behaviour environment

Read a story to/with your child

Children love this type of positive one-on-one attention. Not only will you be increasing your bond by spending time together, you’ll be increasing the child’s vocabulary and other literacy skills.

Have a staring contest

Keep  direct eye contact, the first one to look away or blink loses. A fun game for older children and a great way to have eye contact. Be sure the child does not interpret this activity as threatening or intimidating and understands that it is a game.

Being rocked and held like a baby

This is something that older children still enjoy even when they are well past the baby stage. They enjoy the feeling of closeness and security that it gives them and feeling secure with Mam or Dad. It also allows them to receive some of the attention that they see a new baby getting and to feel wanted and noticed too.

Play with something messy together with your child e.g. playdough or slime. Children love it when adults get down and do something messy with them. Everyone can relax and have fun.

Sing Songs and rhymes together

Try rhymes like This Little Piggy Went to Market where each line leads to tickling a toe and action favourites like Old Macdonald, London Bridge etc.